Toolkit for the Postpartum

When I was pregnant with Blue, my thoughts on postpartum went something like this – very little actual knowledge of what it is like after birth, buying crappy maternity pads from boots which were no bigger than a regular period pad, and a bottle of pre-made formula in the fridge. I went to NCT classes and left wholly unprepared even after the 3 hour breastfeeding course. Sadly, I don’t think much has changed since 2018. Why is it that we give so much weight to birth and yet the postpartum is something we.. wing? Perhaps we are lucky to have family around and think – “oh well my mum brings me food usually and knows how to take care of me when I’m sick so I’ve got her, I’m all good”. Which is great if you have a mother who is available to help you, but in my experience even though with all the best intentions at heart, family members still feel massively overwhelmed when there is a newborn in the room.

My mother is one of 7 children, all born at home by traditional midwives in Kerala. My mum recalls seeing the vytathi coming over and being frightened of her as she knew it meant my mums sisters would be in pain. There’s about a 20 year age gap between my mum (no. 7) and no. 1 my valiamma (big mum). The postpartum meant that the birthing woman would be treated differently. She got the best fish curry as far as my mum knew. When it came to her pregnancy with me, and my brother ,she was miles away in London. Very little family support and no mother to guide her into the transition of motherhood. My mum speaks of her postpartum in London with that overriding sense of resilience. I don’t think its resilience, its that jaw clenching, teeth together biting sensation when you begrudgingly get on with things because you had no choice. There was no rest. With my brother it was even worse for her as she suffered a form of paralysis in her left leg after birth. She would speak about using her arm and teeth to lift my brother up to feed him.

The need to move countries, to migrate for work and opportunity is something many of us are familiar with. What I have learnt through that move is that, alongside the loss of identity. Is the loss of comfort and familiarly when you go through rites of passages. Postpartum was sacred in India, if my mum was at home when she had me or my brother, she would have been doted on hand and foot. Meals cooked for her. Bodywork, oil treatments and herbal remedies. But since she didn’t receive that, it meant she had to either learn it from others to help me. Which is a hard task when you aren’t someone who accepts help or takes time for self care.

One of the hardest things I faced in my postpartum was hearing the words: “all mothers go through this, all mothers suffer, we all had to get on with it”. Those words cut deep and even though in my head I knew that wasn’t right, it took a long time for me to be courageous enough to speak up.

Postpartum care is so important, it is vital for longevity of life and a life worth living and not just surviving.

My tips for mothers who are heading into their postpartum would be to prepare. Prepare for how you want to feed your baby, how you want to honour the transition into motherhood and honour the bond you want to make with your baby.

First of all each woman should have a directory of who they need to call upon if shit hits the fan. This is vital before birth so you aren’t scrambling across social media trying to find the local lactation midwife.

·       Paediatric cranial sacral therapist. A qualified practitioner who specifically works with babies is vital if you had an intervention at birth as you baby may have a lot of residual tension in their jaw/face/ neck/spine. Its best to get this checked and resolved before just focusing on mechanical feeding issues such as tongue tie.

·       A lactation midwife. A really great breastfeeding midwife can provide so much guidance and help in those trick early weeks if breastfeeding is painful for longer than a few days. Nipple trauma is common but prolonged pain is not normal and you should seek help and not suffer through it.

·       Herbal remedies in stock before you give birth. Find your local herbalist or order medicines before birth. I had no idea how bad afterpains can be especially for your 2nd or subsequent babies. Apparently, the pain is worse after each baby! But this normal functioning pain shouldn’t be something you suffer in silence for. There are wonderful natural remedies you can use.

·       Postpartum Doula. This goes without saying that your Doula should be at the forefront of your care in the postpartum. Depending on who you hire, they could be there for emotional support, food prep, herbal remedies or belly wrapping.

·       Pelvic floor therapist. Finding a qualified pelvic floor expert that covers postpartum women is key even if you didn’t have a physiological vaginal birth. You don’t want to be that mum who can’t go on the trampoline (I am her!). Whenever I spoke about this to the boomer generation, I either get met with indifference like it is so common so it must be normal, or with horror that women are leaking. Pelvic floor recovery takes time and the key thing is rest, being horizonal.

·       A birth partner or family members who are supportive in your choices to breastfeed (if you wish to). There are countless stories of breastfeeding being sabotaged by unwanted comments. These come from a place of worry and concern, but those concerns are massively heightened and absorbed by a vulnerable postpartum mum. The mother shouldn’t be the one advocating at every feed whether she has enough milk or not. Nor having to hide her feeding because there are elders in the room or God forbid other men. It is on all of us to support this absolute goddess for bringing new life to this earth instead of putting our doubts on her. If in doubt, get help. But until then, lets not project fears.

I am so passionate about this work because I have felt the vulnerability after birth. How sensitive I was and it felt like my hip was breaking in two. The breastfeeding pain, the lack of sleep and not being held emotionally through those early days. I support women across East London in the postpartum period and I do this work because I give myself the same treatments (if I am not time pressured of course) when I have my period. For I believe, that if I am nourished and taken care of, I can then share that gift with others. I come with my cup full, with a solid understanding of how important is it to be nurtured. After our time together, I hope that it is something you will remember. That you allowed yourself to be taken care of and above all, you totally deserved it.